Free me from this world
by kantellis
Summary: "I wonder why people chase the stars. Well, they are bright and shiny, and beautiful when reflected in deep eyes, but they're nothing more than illusion. Like ghosts they dissolve flickeringly into nothingness. There's no point chasing after ghosts. There's no point running to the stars." There was a moment of silence. "Say, Yuu, what do you run to?" "Death."
1. A is for Arrival

**Author's Note: **This alphabet story filling the time gaps between events from original manga. It's centered around Kanda / Lavi relationship, but, as it is, there is no plain yaoi. There is just enough to tickle your imagination ^^

Some chapters will be stand-alone but there are quite a few that, together, create one smaller story.

Title of the story comes from "Explorers" by Muse - have to love it ^^

**Disclaimer: **D Gray Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.

SPOILERS – it's full of those as it follows the story closely.

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_**A is for Arrival**_

It took three years for him to arrive to the European Headquarters of the Black Order. Three long years of travel with General Tiedoll and Noise Marie. After the massacre of the Sixth Laboratory and as soon as possible, he was dispatched to leave with the exorcists. Asian Branch had a lot of work with the mess and they wanted the cause of it as far as they could manage. Back that he didn't quite get the reasons behind it. After all, they all knew of the project and it's possible outcome. He didn't understand the strange looks people there were giving him. They were unsettling, as he later learned to name them. And so, he was as glad to be away as the staff was.

The traveling, however, was not as easy as he assumed it to be. It was the most educative and confusing time of his life. He has seen the World for the first time in his current reincarnation and the amount of questions and uncertainties and surprises was overwhelming and frustrating at the same time. From time to time his brain would come up with scraps of memories sending him into pain-filled fits that left him psychically drained for a while. He would always come to when Marie played his strings, soothing his nerves and emotions. He would always see Her floating around, reminding him of his resolve to live and find Her. She would sometimes pick up on of the forever blooming lotus flowers.

Between fury breakdowns, awe-inspiring sights and painful attacks he worked out his emotionless, strict composure and exquisite sword fighting. And when fatherly General decided him ready, Kanda Yuu, with Mugen in his hand, was left in the Headquarters to become a full-time exorcist.

However, all the awkwardness of his new life and all the unknown has made him feel constantly annoyed. The three years of travel had revealed but a tip on an iceberg of the World and what he couldn't put up with were the people. They were stubborn to discard all the differences and otherness either by making fun or getting unpleasant. And so, Kanda Yuu has taken into to way of violence to make it clear he was not being laughed at of looked down on. He made sure each and every one member of the Order remembered that, his Mugen helping him make the point. There were but a few exceptions including his own team. General Tiedoll, first and foremost, for taking care of him and being his first real guide in life, despite irritatingly acting like a father that he did not have. Noise Marie for the very fact of helping him, back in the Asian Branch when they first met, without asking a single question and always offering his silent companionship. Although the Japanese would sooner die than admit that out loud. And last but not least, Daisya Barry for being an annoying brat that outright ignored his constant threats and, without a mocking smirk or condescend look, lightly explained all his uncertainties.

Kanda Yuu never wanted the list to expand.


	2. B is for Blood

_**B is for Blood**_

His senses, he realized soon after being sent to missions, were far more enhanced then that of a normal human being. He supposed it was a part of the engineering of his body and was glad in a way, since it enabled him to notice danger more easily and accurately. More often then not he was the one to spot an Akuma, or raw Innocence, and grant a success of a mission. Also, to his own displeasure and annoyance, he was the one saving other Exorcists despite being way less experienced. It grated on his nerves how unfitting for the role were some people that were fighting alongside him. From the very beginning he was better off on his own as it unsettled him to be slowed down. And it made him furious when he felt the smell of fear and terror coming from the Finders. They were there out of their own free will, not like the Exorcists, him being the ultimate example.

However, it was the scent of blood that made him strangely unstable. He knew it ever since he woke up in Sixth Laboratory. To him it was like air or water to other people – he breathed it, he tasted it, he smelled it. But only in the Black Order, during his training, he fully realized, that people died when they lost too much. And they didn't came back to life after a while, like he did. He saw that when others were brought back from their mission and left only red stains of their late existence. In a very disturbing way it fascinated him. To see those trails of life following others. Then again, it made him also sick to the core for the sight came with unbidden memories.

And there was this one girl, younger than him, that had a habit of leaving the said stains in his little sanctuary of peace and quiet, when he was not around that place. Every time when he got exceptionally irritated with all the people surrounding him, he would slip to his meditation room. And from time to time he would find dark red spots there. One day, when he was in a particularly foul mood he had burst into his secluded place and find the place not as deserted as he wished it to be. Frowning he looked around and found a small, curled figure swaying back and forth by the pool. Taking is her bandaged and somewhat dirty body he fought the sudden urge to run for it. He came closer.

"You leave stains all over the place when you're walking like that" he said and sat on his usual spot. She jumped away at the sound of those words and backed to the wall looking outright horrified.

"Who are you?" she whispered in a trembling voice and fresh tears trailed down her cheeks.

"An exorcist" he answered and straightened himself.

"You're not. You're too small-" she protested and swallowed the next words under his angry glare. Kanda wanted to say something back at her but resigned immediately when their eyes met. For in her dark ones he saw what she's been through, which brought back his own memories from the Sixth Laboratory. Surprised and outraged, he learned, that the Order did not only experiment on their experimental bodies but also on mere humans. How much further could they go?

"Shut up and do what I do" he only said and closed his eyes to calm down and meditate. He heard her follow his lead silently.


	3. C is for Circles

_**C is for Circles**_

Running in circles. Repeating everything all over again. And again. And again. It was all the Order was doing. Looking for Innocence, following a trail and failing miserable at realizing it was false. With more and more deaths while fighting Akuma. And repeating it all over again. Making almost no progress, always taking two steps forward and one back.

That was basically what Kanda thought ever since the Order started sending him to missions, starting, of course, from the smaller ones. And the less promising it was, the less probable to be a success. So he became instantly frustrated with his job to aimlessly fight Akuma and come back with nothing but cuts and burns. _Really, the Finders could do better_, he though after entering Headquarters and heading to his room. However, he stopped in his tracks as he passed by the door to the main hall.

In there, lines and lines of coffins were laying one by another. White, clean and shining. Gleaming in the afternoon reddish glow. Like liquid ruby the light slid over the lids. Like blood spilled onto the ground. The deadly beauty of the sight filled his mind. _Another human sacrifices_, he thought but watched the scene mesmerized until the sounds reached his ears. Tens of voices crying and wailing and sobbing filled the air around him. They were heavy, suffocating and somewhat hurting. He couldn't stand them any moment longer. He slapped his hands over his ears and walked on as fast as he could without looking like he was running away. He was never running away from anything. Ever. And no one should ever see him do that. Then again, there was something familiar in the sight, something that made him march quickly.

He stopped only when he reached his sanctuary. Sitting down he ignored the small pain in his side knowing it would heal in no time. He shut his mind firmly and willed himself to rid it of everything that was throbbing behind his eyes. _So much noise_, he thought, _so insufferable_.

Shaking slightly he took a lung-full of air and held it for a while. Breathing out he was already calm. With another intake he smelled the delicate and faint scent of lotus flowers. He dove head first into the fragrance.

He was not going to be caught in the circle of misery that the Order was. He was not letting it swallow him. He had a mission to fulfill and he would manage it. No one, absolutely no one would get in his way. He was not letting the damn church be the cage of him, trapping him in self-depreciation. He had to find a way to get free and he would. No matter what. He would use the Order to find what he was looking for. He would follow orders but would keep his steps from falling blindly into the organization's footsteps. And he'd be damned if anyone would find out about that.


	4. D is for Daintily

_**D is for Daintily**_

Kanda was taking profit from one of his rare breaks between missions. It proved almost impossible for him to stay in the Order ever since he started his work for real. And so, after his everyday morning routine of exercises in the forest and breakfast in the canteen, he was heading for the training ground inside.

He was a bit surprised to see Daisya Barry already there, as he was supposed to still be on his mission. However, he'd not complain as it meant he had a chance for a good training. Not many dared sparring with him if they valued their health. Not that he'd damage anyone permanently. An important part of his expertise was to know when to stop, although stories carried around the Order said something different. Not that the reputation bothered him really. It made people stay away.

Daisya was one of few that never ran away from a training with him and he valued it in a way. Although he'd never admit it. He knew that the Turk was a fair opponent. He had been on a few missions with him, on those rare occasions that Komui let another Exorcist be spared to go with him. Those were the most difficult tasks he'd ever experienced and, even though it happened quite rarely, he knew he didn't have to worry about this particular Exorcist. He remembered how the boy could beat the shit out of everybody with his Charity Ball.

"Hello there" Daysia greeted him with his customary mischievous smile. "You have holidays or what? Staying so long at the headquarters" he asked as the other neared him slowly.

"Kind of" Kanda answered emotionlessly. "You do look too beaten up for a sparring" he noted and got a short laugh in reply.

"Not beaten up enough to miss the chance of seeing if you're still as girly graceful as you were" the Turk teased the other one and received a glare in response "Oh, and before I forget" he continued as Kanda wordlessly went to take the training swords. The Japanese, however, stopped rooted as soon as his eyes turned back towards him. The Turk was standing with his arm outstretched, a circle of black beads hanging from his index finger.

"What's that?" he asked skeptically not entirely sure if he wanted to hear the answer. However, Daisya was not smirking like he'd normally do when he wanted to make fun of someone.

"This is juzu, Japanese praying beads" he explained. "Found it on my last mission and thought you might like it for your meditation. It should have two thingies hanging from the end but they burned in the fire we caused."

"You caused" Kanda corrected him making the other one grin widely like a madman.

"Aw come on, am I that bad?" he asked knowingly, making Yuu sneer.

"You are bad at being inconspicuous" he commented taking the bracelet. It felt strangely right when he pulled in onto his wrist. He knew nothing about religion, any one of them, as the only preaching the Order did was about Innocence and the chosen ones. Nothing more. However, he did like how the beads sat on his wrist.

He looked up and threw a training sword at Daisya, who caught it in just the right moment. They bowed to each other, both with equally evil smirks on their faces.

"I'll show you how graceful I can be" Kanda threatened quite seriously and charged, not giving his opponent much of a chance.

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AN: Thank you every one for reviews! ^^ It means a lot and I do hope to keep you interested! ^^


	5. E is for Elucidate

_**E is for Elucidate**_

_Tsk, they're so noisy in the cafeteria again_, he thought, annoyed, when he was coming for dinner. He always had a low tolerance for those insufferable Finders and it was somehow even more irritating after missions. He liked his peace and quiet and they provided none. Thus, like air he passed through the dining room, having taught everybody at the Headquarters that he'd better be left alone. Quickly, he finished his food and headed for the training ground. The less time he spent with people the better. As usual, he ignored all the familiar and unfamiliar shouting behind him and went on. But one of the unknown voices followed him.

"Hey! Pretty one! Wait up, girl!" the voice called and a hand grabbed Kanda and turned him around. With a graceful and sweeping move he unsheathed Mugen and pressed it against stranger's throat, glaring dangerously at him. The red-haired boy froze on the spot rising his hands slowly, in a gesture of surrender. However, the wide grin on his face indicated only amusement.

"What did you call me?" Kanda hissed threateningly.

"Um... I... I must have..." stuttered the boy nervously but still smiling. "I-I'm new here... see... I didn't know." He took a step back but the Japanese followed.

"Now you'd better remember" snarled the swordsman and pushed the redhead further up against the wall. He was in a particularly bad mood to start with and got even more unsettled when the boy grabbed him. He hated being touched by other people. He hated other people, full stop.

"Stop that at once, Kanda! You're gonna hurt him!" Screamed the familiar voice behind him. Rushed footsteps neared and two hands pulled him back, gently but firmly. He twitched and shoved the hands off. No one, not even the girl, was allowed to touch him. Nevertheless, he moved away a bit.

"Are you ok, Lavi?" Lenalee asked, turning towards the redhead, who breathed out with relief when the blade moved away from his skin. He rubbed his neck and grinned at her. The Japanese spared him a glance wondering why did his moves and gestures seem so strange.

"Thanks" he said weakly. "You saved my life!" he added brightly. "Soooo... you're the Kanda I've heard so much about–" he turned to the swordsman, who only frowned and turned away. "Come on, Yuu-chan-" he wasn't allowed to finish the sentence as the tip of the deadly sharp blade was at his throat once again.

"Don't you dare call me that. Ever again" came a growl and the Japanese was gone leaving the shell-shocked Lavi with dead-scared Lenalee. Watching as the exorcist dashed away, Junior smirked in his mind. _This will be interesting_, he thought, _it just might me worthwhile to get that anger and hatred taken apart piece by piece._ He had, of course, read all files on Order members, but the swordsman's was particularly boring and empty. Too empty, in his own opinion. _No one had so little history to share,_ he mused, _even if he joined the organization as a child. He still should have ten years of life behind, family, home. He should have some identity. _His ponderings stopped abruptly when sudden realization hit him. he suddenly remembered some other files, science projects of the church. There was a connection and he knew it. He just had to pull the rights strings and let the curtain go up.

Back on the surface, innocently and with just the right amount of curiosity, he asked why Kanda was so on edge. And, quite expectedly, the girl gave him the story of their life since the two of them met.


	6. F is for Fight

_**F is for Fight**_

"You dare loose this one and I'll kill you!" came an angry shout from behind Lavi. He just smiled mischievously and swung his unnaturally huge hammer at a particularly persistent Akuma.

"Not a chance, Yuu-chan" he breathed silently covering up for his fellow exorcist who was slashing up his way towards an Innocence. More numerous and louder, demons' screams followed as both of them were fiercely attacking. Finally, Kanda gained a clear path to the place where Finders were hidden with the valuable item. He ran for it nearly, tripping over a half-dead man. Recognizing the man of the Order, he walked back to him and the man opened his eyes.

"...finally" he whispered and handed over a small wooden box, giving out his last breath. The swordsman opened the box and inside there was a glittering sapphire, rimmed in silver. For sure it was Innocence, he could feel it. And as soon as he took out the jewel it morphed into a standard shape of a glimmering core surrounded by two rotating cogs. It shed a soft light that Kanda, even if he tried his best, could never describe as warm. For him it was, in fact, cold like frozen steel. It was the brightness that pierced the flesh and gave unbearable pain. It was the blinding current that touched every cell in his body and burned like hell's fires. It was the hell itself. Feeling a rush of disgust and hatred, he tightened his fingers around the item and watched as the light disappeared. _Damn it, if only there was a way to destroy it instead of bringing it back to the Headquarters_, he thought. _If only it never existed_. He was fully aware the neither would he exist. However, as much as he hated it, he did live. And he had to live no matter what. He couldn't die just yet, not that there was any possibility for that. No demon was able to kill him or even hurt him more seriously. No human being stood a chance. He was indestructible and he knew he had to believe it to reach his goal.

He tucked the Innocence into his inner pocked and returned to his fighting colleague. With a sweeping move he slashed at the last Akuma, killing it at once.

"Stop playing with them" he warned the careless redhead and aimed his sword at him. Lavi stared wide-eyed with surprise at him but Kanda never let him say a word. "I told you to not call me that" he hissed angrily, frowning, and than moved away to head back for the train. The redhead's single eye widened even more and he grinned madly. The annoyingly friendly and forward part of his persona was quite entertaining, he realized with a cruel smirk._What would he do if I went further? It might be good to try to get near him. It might be fun to see how close is the edge and how he'll brace himself up for the fall._

"Call you what, Yuu-" he started teasingly following quickly after the Japanese.

"Shut up!" was the only sharp reply cutting through him and nothing more was said for the whole way back to the Headquarters. Lavi inconspicuously studied the features of the other exorcist.

_Such a pretty face and such a malevolent character_, he thought with a smirk, _a sheer mismatch in creation. Oh well, but there's no knowing what'd come out of a human, no? At least he's something else than the others, more endearing and demanding to work out. He's as entertaining as a human being can be._

His Bookman curiosity fueled, he filed it to further expertise. He hoped to finally have some luck with his research.

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**AN:** FrenchMacaroni - there will be an end ^^


	7. G is for Green

_**G is for Green**_

"What do you want?" Kanda asked irritated as he noticed a certain redhead hiding behind a tree. It was barely dawn and the swordsman was training, as usual, in the forests surrounding the Black Order's Main Branch's building. He hated when his rituals were disturbed and got furious even more when some one was intruding into his sacred places. And the forest was one of them.

"Nothing in particular" Lavi started rather silently, smiling sweetly. "I was just watching."

"A Bookman is never just watching" stated the Japanese with slight aversion. In reply he got only a heavy sigh and the redhead sunk to the ground, hugging his knees and looking ahead. His eye became uncharacteristically blank and the smile faded completely. Kanda started with surprise at this sudden change of appearance. _Did the carefully weaved mask fall down just now?_, he thought. _Or was it yet another act of the future Bookman?_ Being extremely familiar with the masks people were wearing, from his own example at the top, he knew very well that 'Lavi' was fast.

"No, not really" came an honest whisper almost drowned in the wind rustling through freshly green leaves. Junior closed his eye and turned towards the chilly blow, breathing in deeply.

He had spent a few night in a row in the Order's library and finally started getting somewhere with his self-imposed mission. Only that, what he was finding was not at all to his tasted. He did think that humans were disgusting and cruel but the hints and veiled indication of their 'science projects' made him even more sick with humanity. He has seen countless wars in the relatively short time that was his apprenticeship. He's been there. He witnessed peoples killing one another over petty reasons and exaggerated disagreements. He recorded nations falling and drowning in the unforgiving course of history. He observed cruelty, malice and terror. For the greater good. For a better life. For a deserved freedom. All empty words and promises blown out of proportions. However, whatever the circumstances, he has never in his life suspected a side to conduct experiments of its own soldiers. Never before did he encounter such viciousness directed at comrades in arms, followers of the same ideal. The violence and torture falling onto the non-expecting allies was making him vaguely sick, despite all his will to not be moved by his findings. He couldn't, however, stay absolutely unaffected. He felt revolted that he landed his hand to those that held no value for their own people's lives. He never did question his master's motives but this time, this only time, he wondered why did they have to join this particular war on this particular side.

For a moment, as he was immersed in his reverie, nothing happened. There was no sound coming from any of them. As if they were letting the morning air to swallow them and bland their existence with the surroundings. And then, Lavi felt his green headband moving swiftly off his head. His shamrock eye shot open but before he could do as much as flinch he noticed tip of the black blade aimed at his forehead. His gaze followed the sword upwards and met an evil glare and a twisted smile. Genuinely startled and somewhat frightened he looked unwaveringly into the dark eyes above him.

"Well then, since you're already here, we can have a duel" Kanda said with a sneer. He took Mugen away and threw a training sword at Lavi. Junior grabbed it and got up to stand in front of his opponent. Gluing the wide smile back onto his face he readied himself.

"As you wish, Yuu-chan" he teased the Japanese. A snarl was the only reply as the swordsman charged.

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**AN:** FrenchMacaroni & IcyLady - thanks for reviews ^^


	8. H is for Her

_**H is for Her**_

It was not often that Kanda was heading in this particular direction within the Headquarters. As it was, he had trained until he had enough and was running slowly out of things to do. There was no one to annoy him, or spar with him, for the matter, so the time that day was passing extremely lazily. It almost mocked him and dared him to do what he dreaded to. After all, what would he do if he did find some answers to his ever present questions? What would he do with the information if it proved to be somewhat undesired?

And so he was, the vicious swordsman, going to the library. It would be his first time as he never really had much chance, being almost constantly out since he came to the Headquarters. Not that it was the place he thought about at his leisure. The only time he had some more active contact with books was when he travelled with Tiedoll. The general took it as his most important responsibility to teach him everything important. It included mostly, to his great annoyance at the time, art and history and, until present, it served as his only knowledge not associated with Innocence and missions. He never really needed it for his job. He never really had use for information as it had no effect against the Akuma.

When he entered the library he immediately felt lost. Rows and rows of shelves and books, tight space, stench of old paper. He breathed in deeply taking in the surroundings and before he realized he was making a mental map of the room in view and traced the easiest escape route. He cursed his own reactions and strode towards the first alley. _Where should I start?_ he mused looking as the names of sections written in huge letters at shelves' heads. He noticed the 'Art' part of the library and smirked at his memories, how irrationally irritated he was at Tiedoll's teachings. Next to it 'History' was located. He went there and ignored the dizziness that the sheer amount of books brought. How on Earth was he supposed to find anything there?

He eyed the shelf with doubt until his gaze fell onto one particular subdivision name – 'Black Order history'. _No better place to start_, he though and reached for the first book.

After yet another blind try and was irritated enough to start throwing things. He had no patience for this stuff. _How could the stupid rabbit find anything like that?,_ he groaned in his head. _It was impossible to go through all the volumes!_ Again he put away a useless book so furiously that the shelf trembled a bit. He caught a small one that fell down and gazed around to find its place. And then, his eyes caught a sight of a thick volume right in front of him. He took it out and, slowly, opened the 'Exorcists yearbooks' album. He opened at random and stared at the faces he knew all too well. He looked at six portrait filling one page, himself and five others that joined the Order in the same year. From them only he and Daisya were the only ones still alive. He frowned at his own thought and moved on with the book.

Some pages and many years back he stopped abruptly when something caught his attention. Under one of the portraits, in a place where Innocence belonging to the Exorcist was described, a word 'Mugen' was written. He stared at it for a moment but before his eyes moved to the face of the wielder he noticed a vaguely familiar person below him. Slowly, as if in a daze, his gaze moved down to a brightly smiling woman with blond, tied-up hair. He blinked a few times in surprise. He knew it was her, event though he never before could see her clearly. But there she was, staring at him with happy eyes. The very same look that greeted him when he woke up in the Asian Branch -

"I must admit I'm really surprised to see you here" came a mocking remark from behind him. Kanda immediately slammed the book shut and put it away to not let the annoying brat see it. Then, he turned around calmly, a truly murderous glare up on his face. He saw the redhead's smile falter for a moment, but as soon as it happened the smirk was back in full width.

"What's your problem, stupid rabbit?" he hissed angrily and scowled at an even wider smile.

"No problem, really, I just came here to read and all" he said in an exaggeratedly neutral tone, his fingers leisurely running down a few books' spines. With some irrational panic Kanda noticed that he did skim through all those that Junior touched. Just how long was he in the library? How long did he watch him? It was impossible but somehow he managed to stay unnoticed and that irritated the swordsman greatly. He snatched the first book at hand and smashed it against the other's head. Lavi managed to move away a bit, probably expecting an attack, and only received a half blow. He ducked the second one and backed fast into another alley.

"No need to get so angry, Yuu" he chirped happily from behind the shelf. Kanda only cursed him very loudly and badly and made it for the exit. He's had enough. Of the books, of the place, of being mocked. He hated the possibility that Junior probably knew more about him than he did.

Only when he was back in his room did he realize that he took a book with him. It was probably the one he used as a weapon. He looked at it and with a bitter smirk noticed that it was about Japanese kabuki theatre. He skimmed through the pages absentmindedly but stopped abruptly when something caught his attention. There was a series of posthumous portraits. They were painted in little colours, almost monochrome. They looked peaceful and static. He took a deep breath watching them and then froze when he noticed one motif. He went through all the portraits and there, on every one of them, a lotus was painted. He stared incredulously at one for the reproductions and then at the flowerbed surrounding him. _Touché,_ he thought bitterly.

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**AN:** thanks for favs and reviews ^^


	9. I is for Information

_**I is for Information**_

"No, I'm not going on another mission with that idiot. Especially not THIS one" Kanda protested stubbornly to which Komui sighted with resignation. Yuu may not have been the brightest one but he knew all the well that Junior was sniffing around all the time. What's more, he was creeping up on him and he didn't like how the two facts connected. There was a lot of things he never wanted to share with anyone, especially some one who knew way too much already.

"As I have already told you, we don't have anyone available right now" the supervisor continued and he raised his voice to cut the Japanese's attempt to interrupt. "And as I already told you, at least once, Lenalee is too much injured for this task. And that is final." The swordsman glared at him hatefully but said nothing more. He simply turned on the spot and headed for the door. Furious as he was, he almost walked into Lavi, who was entering Komui's room. A wide smile clashed with a dangerous scowl but fortunately no explosion occurred.

Without a second look, Kanda stepped out to the corridor.

"We leave in 10 minutes. You'd better not be late" he said to the redhead and was gone not waiting for any reply.

"What is it his time?" quite amused, Lavi asked the supervisor after a moment of ringing silence. The supervisor only sighted.

"I strongly advise you to really hurry up or you'll go through hell in the next few days. Or weeks." Lavi looked at him surprised but genuinely interested. "Kanda will explain everything to you on the train" he added sounding resigned and motioned Junior to leave.

And so he did, getting his stuff quickly and heading to the departure hall to build up his luck for the moment. He fully suspected he'd be needing it a lot so he stayed obediently silent in the beginning. He let Yuu take his time to brief him in and fought to not interrupt even once.

"Wow, that sounds like hell of a mission" Lavi commented enthusiastically when his fellow exorcist finished. They were already quite far on their way.

"Tsk" was his reply and for a moment there was silence. "We're going to do the Finders' work, they're sometimes so useless" he grumbled silently, looking away through the window.

"Oh come on, you're so mean to them!" Junior protested. "It's not like they have any powers to make it work. They don't feel the Innocence-" he tried to reason but only received a snort.

"Yeah, sure, and now we're gonna run the continent far and wide chasing the white rabbit. Perfect" Kanda spat the last word, irritated. "And it's such a waste of time" he whined to himself.

"Since when fighting Akuma and retrieving Innocence is wasting time for you?" Lavi asked with a mischievous smile, sensing something interesting in those simple words. Was he going to finally lay a hand on at least a tiny bit of secrets hidden behind the dark eyes? Every now and then, he was getting lucky in his research so maybe this was his best chance. "Or do you have something more important to do?" he asked trying to look the other one in the eyes to find the answer himself.

But Kanda only considered him for a moment, his eyes half covered with his bangs, and turned back to stare indifferently outside the window. Junior laughed triumphantly because he knew that this silent treatment meant that there was more to this story. _I only need to find a way to get this from him somehow_ – he thought studying the fine features of his fellow exorcist. _Maybe I'll find something in Asian Headquarters since that's from where he came, and we're heading there anyway.._. And with that his Bookman intuition tickled and he knew he'd have to make to most of their short stay there.


	10. J is for Jabberwocky

_**J is for Jabberwocky**_

After a week in the train they finally met with the first Finders who were tracking the escaping Innocence. They passed on all their knowledge quickly and gave directions to reach the next group on the trail.

Some days and increasingly more Akuma later they found out that their prey seemed to slow down, probably haunted by the demons. The further East they went, the more frequent their fights were, to the point of having to exterminate a few creatures in every village.

As the travel progressed both exorcists became more and more anxious and explosive, due to tiredness and adrenaline. As often as they fought Akuma, they jumped to each other's throats. However, they both felt that they were getting closer.

After yet another village extermination they were sitting on the ground, panting heavily and trying to gather the last of their strength. It was a deep, dark night, somewhere in the wilderness, since their prey strayed from the beaten track. An almost-full moon was illuminating the blood red surroundings.

"How's your arm?" Lavi asked as quietly as he could to not disturb the night too much.

"Would be better if I didn't have to save you" answered Kanda, but not as angry or annoyed as he'd normally be, if he wasn't so tired. Junior smiled widely to that.

"Well, it's not like you HAD to save me, you know?" he turned to the Japanese. "You just WANTED to save me, no?" Annoyed, cold dark eyes looked at him.

"What the hell was that supposed to mean?" he asked but Lavi only laughed and fell back onto the grass. The sky glimmered with countless stars, now that the Akuma fumes cleared out.

"I do promise never to rush into the fight as carelessly. Ever again" the redhead said with a smile as sweet and nauseous as a chocolate mousse.

"Yeah, right." With that silence fell between them. Gentle wind started and Kanda closed his eyes to feel it better on his skin. It helped him calm his breathing and his nerves. He sat up straight and relaxed into meditation. He concentrated his will and strength on healing his wound. He'd need to be fully operative as soon as possible, he knew that in his guts. One breath after another he could feel the tissue joining back together and the blood flowing inside the veins.

"I wonder why people chase the stars" came a quiet and a bit sad whisper on the wind. "Well, they are bright and shiny, and beautiful when reflected in deep eyes, but they're nothing more than illusion. They're already dead. Nothing more than an echo of an empty existence and a loud explosion. Twinkle, twinkle and die. Gone. Shimmering dust in the space. Memory to fade. Or to hide behind stormy clouds. Millions of them fighting for glorious attention but disappearing in silence and oblivion. Like ghosts they dissolve flickeringly into nothingness. There's no point chasing after ghosts. There's no point running to the stars." There was a moment of silence. "Say, Yuu, what do you run to?"

"Death."

A heavy and silky rain started falling from the sky.


	11. K is for Kill

_**K is for Kill**_

"Exorcists! Hey, you two are exorcists, right?" came a cry tearing up the night's silence.

"And you are?" Kanda asked suspiciously, opening his eyes and glaring at the newcomer.

"I'm Richard, exorcist sir, from the Finders" the man explained. "I have important information of the Innocence" he added winning the interest from both boys.

"We're all ears" said Lavi with a wide smile that appeared on his face automatically but never reached his eye. It never did. But people never really noticed. Or never wanted to.

"Not here, please, there's an inn where we're staying. Me and one other Finder." He pointed towards the village. "There's a place prepared for you to spend this night and eat something warm." Both exorcists looked at each other. Kanda shrugged and got up, Lavi followed wordlessly.

As the Finder promised, they were served a huge bowl of delicious stew and a handful of fresh news. It turned out that their prey was a middle-aged man who called himself an Illusionist and could do magic. Quite extraordinary stuff that they blamed on the Innocence. He used to live for some time in Central Europe but somehow, when the Black Order decided to check up on his case, he ran for it.

The Church had no idea how he knew that and they were curious to find out. So the man was to be taken alive, much to Kanda's dislike. He thought it to be way more problematic. Nevertheless, they had to obey.

Shortly afterwards they went to the room prepared for them and found two comfortable beds inside. They almost fell unconscious onto the soft mattresses. However, their rest didn't take long enough as they were woken up with a blood-curdling scream coming from afar. They both jumped out of their beds and ran downstairs. The Finders were there outside looking outright terrified, pointing towards the woods. Some smoke was rising there. The exorcists looked at each other and without a single word they hurried onwards.

Reaching a clearing in the middle of the forest they saw a scene they'd never be able to forget. A giant Akuma was holding a human in its clawed hand and was staring at him. Its other hand moved up and claws dug into the man's torso. Another horrifying scream and the sound of breaking bones tore the night's silence and the creature took something out of the man's chest. Innocence, both exorcists knew it.

They exchanged worried glances and understood each other without words – they had to retrieve the artifact. As if on a sign they both sprang into motion, one unsheathing his sword and activating it, the other extending his hammer into hideous size. Profiting from Akuma's surprise and disorientation, Kanda jumped up and, using his momentum for stronger impact, cut off the hand holding Innocence. Lavi reached for it and caught it before it hit the ground. The demon was finished with another sword's blow across its body and an inhumanly strong hit with a hammer. Both exorcists stood watching as the creature withered.

"That was fast" commented Junior with a widening grin. "Seems we do work well together, after so many missions" he added looking gleeful.

"Tsk" and a frown was the reply. "Too fast, in my-" the Japanese was cut mid sentence with a strange rustling coming from the forest around. All around the clearing. Both exorcists gazed anxiously and under the full moon they saw shadows shifting between the trees. Many shadows that started growing bigger as they moved into the dim light. To their greatest horror they realized that they were surrounded by Akuma.

"Don't you let go of the Innocence, not matter what" Kanda spoke quietly lifting up his sword in front of him, showing the demons that he was ready. He stood back to back with Lavi.

"I would never" replied Junior self-assured and made his hammer grow even bigger.

"FIRST ILLUSION: UNDERWORLD INSECTS!"

"HEAVEN SEAL!"

Both exorcists shouted, charging in a split of a second after the Akuma attacked.


End file.
